My 57 Secrets I want to Share with you

(Today, Liv Lane has asked her blogging course students to participate in a blog hop by writing something brave that takes us outside our comfort zone; to share something brave, something we haven’t had the guts to share yet. This means that over 100 of us are risking vulnerability and writing the authentic, sharing our separate secrets. Finding out what happens when you’re vulnerable in front of your readers.)

So I want to play, too. You don’t even know me, but there’s something thrilling in telling secrets, up and down the spine, like truth or dare, and if you show me yours I’ll show you mine.

I decided to get real by sharing a whole bunch of secrets instead of one big scary one—especially since I haven’t been here long, and you guys are just getting to know me.

I’ll start here. Nobody knows this one. I did once a career aptitude test, it says I am a doer but I hate this idea so I told my teacher and parents I am a thinker.

Once in second grade I stole this girl’s retainer, and I didn’t even know why, because I didn’t need it and she was a nice girl, and retainers are expensive. (Looking back, a retainer is a really creepy thing to steal. I don’t remember why I wanted it or what I did with it).

Getting real means gushing embarrassing truths, unexpectedly blurting out, “sometimes I’m so lonely I could cry” (and that’s true). It means telling you all this stuff nobody knows, like that I’m scared of birds, especially swans, and a swan attacked me once while I was trying to feed some ducks.

I’m vulnerable when I write a poem off the cuff, no editing, just hit publish: blog magic. My  irrational fear of bad editing, especially when everyone’s listening. Also, I get unreasonably offended at bad grammar in public, like the sign in the produce section that says “orange’s” or unnecessary quotation marks. Continue reading

“Fear Setting” instead of “Goal Setting”

Have you ever walked into an exam hall, knowing that you know absolutely zip about what your about to be tested on? I haven’t… Yet. Tomorrow I will stride into an exam hall with the appearance of confidence, sit in my seat, sharpen my pencil, look at the first page and crack. I’ve been studying musicianship for about 4-5 months and I still don’t know half of what I’m talking about. I don’t remember my key signatures for minor keys, I can barely count/inverse intervals and I have not memorized 2 (more like 2 1/2) of my three melodies. Nor can I write rhythms or melodies without a piano.

I could remedy this situation by going upstairs and staring at the sheets of music I’m meant to memorize, but I keep telling myself that I’m a lost cause, and I might as well not bother now, and keep blogging. Isn’t that very negative of me? Lost case or not, I will go and stare at the sheets, hoping my brain will absorb their patterns somehow. Later.

For the next three weeks, I have a maths test every week. At least for these tests, I’ll have some knowledge of what it is I’m meant to be writing. Formulas and equations are easy. Memorizing 20-40 bars of music and being made to write them down is not.

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Why do girls check out other girls?


I originally wrote this post for Beauty is not a Number

I am walking down the street, when that bottle-blond girl from my University class passes me. She hurriedly acknowledges me with a smile before hurrying onwards to the seminar for which we’re both late. I scowl; her smile is crooked and her bright red lipstick only enhances that. It draws way too much attention to her teeth, and as she walks away from me her behind jiggles — badly. She really shouldn’t be wearing those legging like they’re a pair of jeans — they’re not — and just like everyone else she can’t pull it off.

During the seminar I find myself getting bored. My teacher has not prepared for her classes once again; the fact that she’s trying to hide it by reading passages from “The Bingo Palace” out loud really does not make up for it. I start doodling in my notebook, writing out a grocery list. Half a minute later, though, I’m done with that, so my eyes divert from the book and I scan my classmates. My eyes linger on that same girl again. She silently laughs at some kind of joke that her neighbour makes, mouth wide open. Why did her dentist never advise her to get braces? Inwardly, I shake my head. Her teeth make her look really, really unattractive. Come to think of it, she kind of reminds me of a horse, with that dead-dyed blonde hair and her mouth hanging open.

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Laini Taylor – Daughter of Smoke and Bone


If you know anything about me, you know that I’ve been on a bit of a Young Adult kick lately. I, recently, already mentioned Laini Taylor’s in a previous post where I gushed over my favourite young adult novels. Even though it got an honourable mention there, I felt obligated to gush and then gush some more.

I picked up this novel after reading about it on Goodreads. I was completely bummed out on the whole “Angel meets Human and falls in love” angle after having read the travesty that is Hush, Hush and had resigned to give up on Young Adult novels with Angels for characters or part of the theme/plot. The unusual cover of this book, however, was what drew me in.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone is Karou’s story. Karou is a 17 year old art blue-haired art student who collects teeth for her monstrous employer. Soon enough, she gets caught up in a war between angels and monsters that threatens to swallow her whole and leads to her unraveling the truth about herself, and where she came from.

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The First To Get Ready


My bed and I have a rather intimate relationship. I love my bed very, very much, and in turn my bed loves me enough to let me sleep for as long as I like, which is long. Even when I have to get ready in the mornings, I’ll be snoozing for as long as I can before jumping up and preparing myself in a hurry. That usually means that I get a late start in comparison to the rest of the family, but I’ll still be the first one to get ready.

Making the most of it

Part of that is the fact that my morning routine is rather basic, and completely adjusted to my “snooze as long as you can”-state of mind. It’s something I have perfected over a span of many many years: ever since I started going to high school. I always had to leave fairly early: in high school it took me a staggering 45 minutes to cycle to school, which was long in comparison to my classmates who had to walk for 10 minutes, or cycle 5 minutes to get there. When I started going to college it became even more extreme: I had to get up a staggering three hours in advance to my classes in order to even be able to make it on time. So yes, in order to be able to study properly in the evening, and get plenty of sleep at night, I developed a morning routine that is lightning fast.

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“So, why did you stretch your ears?”

This is a question I get asked a lot. Especially when I was still living in The Netherlands, apparently it was a very, very big deal. People often complimented me on the plugs I wore, saying that “though I wouldn’t stretch my ears myself and I usually don’t like the way it looks, your plugs are really pretty”. It was a doubly-edged statement for me, because on one hand I felt flattered that I got compliments on my jewellery, but at the same time, I personally didn’t see anything wrong with my stretches either. They’re not all that out there, now are they? Plus, it’s not like I have them to make a big, big statement.

Fixing myself

At age 19, over 6 years ago, I was studying to become a primary school teacher1 and was completing my internship at a kindergarten. During one of my final weeks there, I’d organised a little crafts afternoon for the kids. Enthusiastic as they were, the kids that were done were allowed to go play in their “corners”2, and have some fun. One child in particular got very – very enthusiastic and kept on dancing around me. At one point, when I’d bent down he jumped up to grab a hold of my right ear and earring and when he got down he tore the hole out quite a bit.

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Entrepreneur – Heather Mills

… needs to shut the fuck up.

She may have been in with the ‘circle’ of people with the McCartney, but her divorce with Paul she does not need to blame Stella McCartney. Sure, we all know Stella and her siblings dislike Heather with a passion, but c’mon, how would you feel if your step-mother was younger than you AND a porn book star AND probably one of the biggest bitches in the world.

Maybe my opinion is biased, maybe it’s not. I know some peoeple who loved Heather, but I never was really fond of her. She claims Paul hasn’t been ‘protecting her’ from the media and the paparazzi. True, the paparazzi will do anything for a shot, but every celebrity has to deal with that, whether they’re going through a divorce or anything. I personally don’t see how he could protect her anymore than by keeping her in a plastic bubble (which might do us all some good).

As for Dancing with the Stars I don’t see why she can get fussy with all he media surrounding her with that. Claiming it was for her charity work, she seems to contradict herself, a lot.

And now she’s releasing private therapy tapes from her and Paul, uh can anyone say it’s retarded to blackmail someone in that childish sort of way?

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There Is an Art to Everything and Living

Apparently as of yesterday, some intruders ripped a hole in “Le pont d’Argenteuil” painted by Claude Monet at the Musee d’Orsay in Paris. A  lot of people vandalise ‘important’ or historical things, which most of the time are pieces of art, whether it’s a building or a sign or something. I’m guessing what I don’t get is why a person might do this. Sure the valdalists at the Musee d’Orsay were intoxicated, which might lead to regrettable actions, but that doesn’t let them off quite that easily. If there were some remorse, one could say ‘Okay, yeah you’re sorry – that’s good you’re not quite of an indecent person like I thought you were’, but most people just find it funny and amusing.

To me, art is a very respectable talent and way of expressing yourself. (Most ways of expressing yourself are art forms though you may not realise it at the time). For example, I’m going to see Across the Universe not only because it features Beatles songs and is apparently “very trippy”, but one of the main reasons I’m seeing it is because of how the director interpreted the songs by visual aid. It’s so amazing at what every human mind percieves something different each time, it’s just fascinating.

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Study Habits – Knee-deep

I just deleted this draft I had hanging around, because I decided it was no longer relevant to me. Normally I keep my drafts floating around, but today I just decided to let go of it. It’s no use to me, it’s of no importance to you. But still. Letting go of my draft is a bit like forgetting. Thinking about it now, I really should’ve kept that draft floating around. If not for you to ever read, but for me.

Ok, today’s random, nonsensical blabbering over!

I am back at home, have been so for a few days. I am safe, I do not have jet lag (come on! It was a two hour time difference) and I will not be going into a day by day recount here. I can imagine just how bored I’d be after typing it. And oh, you of course, you’d be bored to tears as well .

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Notice of Leave

The most intense feeling of relief came over me after the bell for fifth period rang. I am becoming more and more desperate to get out of school. Teachers are talking, talking, talking about correct structures for essay assignments, sitting through three-hour exams in sweltering heat, things that just AREN’T INTERESTING me anymore. At least not at the moment. School is terrible. Throw a grumpy maths teacher and humid weather into a building and it is like hell.

Thank goodness that holidays are over in a week. There are a few things that get me through school days: The thought of being surrounded by friends I love, and the fact that I keep repeating to myself “It’s almost over…. Almost over…” I’m practically counting down the lessons. 16 to go and then I am officially on holiday (No, I’m not going to school on Thursday and Friday).

I went to the Dresden Dolls in Sydney last week, and I had the most fantastic time. I’m talking spectacularly awesome. Ok, yes, EDIT: I am an idiot and I didn’t finish this paragraph before hitting publish. Ergh. May talk about it later.

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